Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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