now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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