batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
