Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
