I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize