We had to coat check the pizza.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
