Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize