The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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