im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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