I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
