I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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