Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
