You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
