I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
