Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just want to make out with him forever
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
