fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize