But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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