She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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