I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
