All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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