I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
