I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
porn star boner night. come get it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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