I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
