Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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