There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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