tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
