when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
