Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
