Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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