Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
