I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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