My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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