Ambien. No doubt about it.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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