Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
