The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
