Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
