Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Is it penis luge time yet?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize