am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
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