Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
