Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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