Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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