She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
