I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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