Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize