somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
