how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize