I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
