I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
