I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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