can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
