you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
