The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
