Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
please come you make the beer taste better
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
