I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
