I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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