im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
