He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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