He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Ketchup is God's man juice
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
