In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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