At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
