dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
