M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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