I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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