I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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