White coat. Heels.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
