I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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