Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
