96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
