Your mouth is God's brothel.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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