my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
