That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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