Quick, to the slutcave!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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