Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
