i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
