I hate your face
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
