Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize