..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
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