The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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