I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
