I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
