i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
