I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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