Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
All I want is dick and wine.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
