and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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