There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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