Are we in a gay sports bar?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There's always time for handjobs
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
