So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
