Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
