Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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