finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
