I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
