I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
