I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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