For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
