She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
