when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i think i have herpe
just one?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize