You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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