it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Can you bring me the toilet please
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
