mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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